Why Asking Fewer Questions Can Help Your Child Talk More
Like many parents, I wanted to do everything I could to support my children's development. As a former teacher with experience working in childcare, I naturally looked for learning opportunities throughout the day. During story time, I asked questions about the pictures. During meals, I asked about colors and shapes. On walks, I pointed things out and asked what sounds we heard. My goal was never to quiz my children. I genuinely believed I was helping them learn.
What I didn't realize at the time was that many of those well-intentioned questions were leading to very short conversations. When I asked, "What color is that?" the answer was usually a single word. When I asked, "What's that animal?" I often got another one-word response. While these exchanges were technically communication, they weren't creating the rich back-and-forth interactions that help language grow.
Years later, my second child's communication journey led me to become a speech-language pathologist. Through both professional training and personal experience, I learned something that completely changed the way I interact with young children.
Language doesn't grow best when children are constantly being quizzed on what they know. It grows best through meaningful interactions with the people who care about them. Parents often feel responsible for teaching their children throughout the day. We want to help them learn new words, identify colors, count objects, and understand the world around them. Those are all wonderful goals. The challenge is that when conversations become dominated by questions, children often take on the role of responder while adults direct the interaction.
Think about the difference between these two exchanges.
Adult: "What color is that?"
Child: "Blue."
Versus:
Adult: "That's a blue truck. It's moving so fast."
Child: “Blue truck go.”
The first interaction ends quickly. The second provides new vocabulary, models a complete sentence, and creates an opportunity for the child to join the conversation if they choose.
Children learn language by hearing language. They need opportunities to hear words used naturally in meaningful situations. This happens while building block towers, sharing books, helping put away groceries, taking walks, and eating meals together.
When we describe what our children are doing, comment on what they see, and share observations about the world around them, we expose them to vocabulary and sentence structures they can eventually use themselves.
For example, instead of asking, "What are you building?" you might say, "You're working so hard on that tall tower." Instead of asking, "What's the dog doing?" you could comment, "That big dog is running across the yard."
Questions still have an important place in conversations. They help us gather information, encourage problem-solving, and learn about our children's thoughts and ideas. The goal isn't to eliminate questions altogether. The goal is balancing the two.
Many parents are surprised to discover that when they ask fewer questions and make more comments, their children often contribute more to conversations. Comments remove the pressure of finding a correct answer and create a more natural exchange. Some children respond with words, some with sentences, and some simply listen and absorb the language being modeled around them. All of those responses have value.
Looking back, I don't regret all the questions I asked as a young parent. Like most parents, I was doing the best I could with the information I had at the time. But if I could go back and give myself one piece of advice, it would be this:
Before asking another question, try making a comment instead. You might be surprised by how much more naturally the conversation begins to flow.
Sometimes the most powerful conversations happen when we stop looking for answers and simply share the moment together.
About the Author
Anissa C. Weimer, MS, CCC-SLP, is a speech-language pathologist, author, and creator of the Little Voices Big Futures series.