The Words We Choose: Reflections on Cara Tyrrell’s Approach to Communicating With Young Children

As a speech-language pathologist, I spend much of my time helping adults understand how communication develops and how to support it. While reading Cara Tyrrell’s Talk to Them Early and Often: A Caregiver’s Guide to Intentional Language Development for Infants and Toddlers, I found myself marking passages that invited me to look more closely at the language we use in everyday interactions.

Cara is a teacher trainer, parent educator, and founder of Core4Parenting. Her book, published by Teachers College Press, explores intentional language with infants and toddlers. What resonated with me was her attention to how our words, tone, and responses help build relationships with young children.

Those ideas connect closely with my work through Little Voices Big Futures. Supporting communication development includes thinking about what a child understands, what we are communicating, and how we make room for that child to participate.

Connection comes through everyday interactions

One of the passages I marked explores trust, respect, honesty, and acceptance within relationships. Cara asks readers to think about someone they trust and then consider how they can build that kind of relationship with a young child.

That stayed with me.

During a busy day, we can become focused on getting through the next task: putting on shoes, cleaning up, getting everyone to the table. Yet each of those moments also offers an opportunity to communicate that we are paying attention and that the child’s experience matters.

We can hold a boundary while acknowledging disappointment. We can offer guidance in a calm voice. We can pause long enough to notice what a child is trying to tell us through words, gestures, or behavior.

These are the everyday interactions where I see overlap between Cara’s approach and my own framework.

What do we mean by “listening”?

Another section that caught my attention describes four steps involved in responding to spoken language: attending, hearing, processing, and choosing an action.

Adults often judge whether a child listened by what happened afterward. Did the child put the toy away? Did they come when called?

As a speech therapist, I want us to consider the understanding that comes before the response. Was the child aware we were speaking to them? Were our words clear? Did they understand the direction? Did we leave enough time for them to process it?

Cara’s reminder to pause after speaking particularly resonated with me. It is easy to give a direction, repeat it, explain it, and add another direction before the child has responded to the first one.

Sometimes the most useful adjustment we can make is to say something clearly and then give the child a moment.

Small changes in wording

The book also examines familiar adult language, including sarcasm, rhetorical questions, and the way we express boundaries.

These examples encouraged me to think about how much interpretation we sometimes ask of young children. An adult may intend a question as a correction or use a sarcastic comment to express frustration. The child has to work out the meaning behind the words.

Here is my own example inspired by that discussion: after a spill, we might calmly say, “The milk spilled. Let’s get a towel.”

That gives the child clear information and a next step. Our tone and response can also show that we will help them handle what happened.

The same attention to wording can apply when a child is disappointed. We can acknowledge the feeling and explain what happens next, while keeping the message clear.

Make the language fit the child

This is where I would add an important consideration from my clinical perspective: intentional language needs to fit the individual child’s understanding.

Some of the book’s longer conversational examples may need adapting for a child with difficulty understanding language. We can preserve the warmth and purpose while simplifying the sentence.

For example, “I see that you’re feeling sad” might become “You feel sad.” A pause, a gentle expression, or a gesture may help support the message.

That is my adaptation, and the right wording will vary from child to child. Some children understand much more than they can say. Others benefit from shorter sentences, concrete words, or additional support.

We can keep asking ourselves: What does this child understand, and how can I make my message easier to follow?

A book worth spending time with

I am still reading, but the passages I have marked in the first part of the book, have already given me plenty to think about.

The book has an educational, instructional style that may feel familiar to early childhood professionals. Parents who usually choose a more conversational parenting book may need a little time to settle into it. Still, I think there is value in exploring its examples and considering how they might fit everyday life.

Cara also hosts a wonderful podcast, Transforming the Toddler Years, which offers another way to explore her work.

What I appreciate most is the invitation to become more thoughtful about ordinary conversations. Choosing our words, noticing the child’s response, and adjusting when needed can become part of how we support both communication and connection.

Explore Talk to Them Early and Often or listen to Transforming the Toddler Years.